


Said I'm gonna have it all some day

by sandyk



Series: season 3 tried to be canon post eps [21]
Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Post 321, This story and this author is pro abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 16:50:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14453610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Amy is not stuck.





	Said I'm gonna have it all some day

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, no profit. Title from the national born to beg for you. Reference to the mountain goats' this year.

She was going to blame the pregnancy hormones. Amy left Jonah a message and said, "You waited two years? I was married, you fucking asshole. You feel martyred by being a decent human being. Go to hell even more. And you know what? I can't just up and change, I have a teenage daughter. What the fuck do you have that keeps you here?"

She was crying in the line at the twenty four hour McDonalds. She wiped at her face and ordered chicken nuggets and french fries and orange juice. She even paid for it without someone from the store pushing money down her pocket. Or whatever. She wasn't that poor.

Amy one hundred percent could not afford this baby, though. She and Adam could barely afford Emma. She couldn't afford this baby. She couldn't even picture the next year of her life, Adam breathing down her neck. Jonah said she never made a change, he lied. He was fucking wrong.

She did research on her phone. She had to wipe her hands over and over again because of the chicken nugget grease. Fuck Jonah, she thought. She wasn't trapped.

It turned out there was a fund, an actual fund here in St. Louis that would help her pay to end the pregnancy. 

She called Adam in the morning and told him. "Why don't you want our baby?"

"Because neither of us are in a place to have this kid," Amy said. "Can you afford it? How are we doing on Emma's college fund? How are we doing taking care of the child we already have? They don't give you money for being pregnant. Could you even help me pay for the abortion?"

"Maybe because I don't want to," Adam said. "If we got back together, I wouldn't have to pay rent on my place. We'd have that extra money."

"I don't want to live with you," Amy said. "We broke up. We weren't even in love. I wasn't in love with you when we had sex. Some of the time I wasn't even thinking of you." She took a breath. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You know I care about you. I used to love you. But we don't work together. I mean, as a couple, we don't work. We shouldn't have a kid together."

"I told my mom," Adam said.

"Now you can tell her I'm every bit the bitch she hates," Amy said.

"She doesn't hate you," Adam said. "She will now."

"I'm sorry," Amy said.

Adam was very quiet. He said, "I don't have much money to give you for the abortion, but I have about fifty dollars."

"Hold on to it, I think I can make it work. Thank you. Spend it on Emma. Put it in her savings account," Amy said. 

She slept in her car because she didn't want to go home, she barely wanted to breathe. She was the first one in the Planned Parenthood. It felt like the first time someone treated her with something like compassion. They were going to help her out financially. They let her sit and talk and work through her decision. "You don't have to do this," the nice lady said. "It sounds like you want to."

"It's for the best," Amy said. She endured the stupid state required lecture so she could come back in three days. 

Amy didn't have to work, so she parked in front of her house. She felt like she weighed three hundred pounds. She forced herself out of her car and went inside her house. She peed and threw up and she pulled up DoorDash to get herself some food. 

After her breakfast came, she ate it way too quickly. She wondered if she should apologize to her pregnancy. To the fetus. It was probably just an embryo. She said, "Sorry. Every child should be a wanted child." That wasn't what she meant to say. It was all inadequate. It wasn't the greatest decision, but it was the best decision. 

She was still trying to find the words when her phone rang. "Hey," she said, barely looking at who had called. That was a mistake. 

Jonah said, "Hey. I was wrong to yell at you about having a crush on you for two years. But you know what? I lost everything I owned. No one checked on me except my family, no one from St. Louis. I know, you think that doesn't matter."

"Jonah," Amy said.

"But you know why I stay here? Even though I could maybe go somewhere else? I didn't burn out or flunk out of business school. I didn't even have dehydration, that's just what I tell people. I was doing great, I was getting straight As, and then I tried to drink myself to death and when it wasn't working, I tried to throw myself off a balcony. Funny thing is, when you're that drunk, you relax enough you actually don't get hurt that bad. So they made me leave and I got in a car, and I liked the store. I liked the people. I liked you. So fine, shit does happen to me, okay?"

Jonah said, "So, fine. I thought I'd be telling you that at some different point. But there you go. Screw you. You still kissed me when you knew I was dating someone, because you wanted to and you didn't care about me and Kelly, because you hate Kelly." He hung up. 

She was having a miserable day. She called in sick and spoke to Dina. She told Dina she was getting an abortion. Dina said, "Oh, good, good. That's such a better idea than having it. I don't know why it took you so long."

"Well," Amy said. "Jonah yelled at me. He said I was awful to kiss him when I knew he was dating Kelly and then --"

"You guys kiss a lot. This kiss is the one that pissed him off? Sorry, that feels like a tongue twister. This kiss pissed him off? Why this kiss?"

"Because it was a good one? Because I told him I was pregnant and he thought that was mean and manipulative and bossy. No, that's what Cheyenne's mom called me. I don't know, Dina, I can't take work. I'll come back after the abortion and also can you tell everyone before I come back that I had the abortion? I can't take anything right now."

Dina said, "I'm coming over. Do you want some vegan chili? I swear it's good."

"Okay," Amy said. "Okay."

While she tried to sleep she kept picturing Jonah trying to kill himself. The morning of her abortion, Dina came over to drive her there. "I am your best friend," Dina said. "My mom never called you bossy."

"I've never met your mom," Amy said. "Maybe she would."

"She wouldn't," Dina said. "Also, apparently after Jonah yelled at you, he went outside and broke up with Kelly. They are dunzo. They are so dunzo, Carol tried to hit on him."

"Huh," Amy said. "He didn't call me about that."

"Well, yeah, sounds like you two didn't exactly have a great talk when he wanted to share and shit," Dina said. "When you're done with the abortion, I'm going back to work. I'm going to subtly tell Cheyenne and Heather. Do you want me to tell Jonah personally?"

"Sure," Amy said. "Good idea. I'll be back at work in two days. I don't even need two days, I just want it."

"I understand," Dina said. "I get it. Maybe someday you two will make it work. Far, far far in the future, when this Sturgiss kid starts kindergarten. At age seven. I don't have much hope for it with Glenn as the dad." 

Amy stared out the window and thought about this guy who'd worked at the store a few years ago. He had a tattoo on his forearm that read 'i am going to make it through this year if it kills me.' She thought about it all the time. This morning she'd looked it up and it was a song. So she'd listened to it. It wasn't exactly her style, but it was a mantra, like a promise. Fuck it, she was going to be happy. She was going to prove everyone wrong. She was going to prove Jonah wrong.


End file.
